I need to stop pushing myself so hard.
So, I forced myself to spend a few hours cleaning my bathroom on Friday night. I sat there using a toothbrush, trying to scrub the stained grout until it was white again…of course to no avail. I knew when I was done that I would regret it because I was aching all over and my whole body was trembling. Come Saturday morning, my fears were confirmed as I woke up to every joint and muscle in my body being stiff and painful. Despite the pain, I still went ahead and baked/iced a cake and made 32 deviled eggs to bring to my friend’s cookout party. He was breaking in the new custom smoker (that he had made himself) with 130 lbs of meat. I decided to not take any of my painkillers because I planned on having alcohol. I went to the party and forced myself to push my pain into a tiny closet in the back of my mind and closed the door as I have done on countless occasions. Well, I made a huge mistake by doing that. I went ahead and had a good time while I was there, all the while forcing myself to ignore the constant pain I was in. I kept a smile on my face and did my best to be a highly participating member of the group. By the time I arrived home and allowed myself to lower the barriers I had put in place for the entire afternoon and evening, I was starting to realize the extent of my pain. I went to change into my pajamas only to discover that my legs and feet had become so swollen that the bottom of my capris had become very tight around my calves…so much so that they were difficult to take off and left deep intentions in my skin. I then laid down with my feet/legs elevated and using an ice pack on them in an attempt to decrease the inflammation and pain. It didn’t help. That was about 2 1/2 hours ago. Now, I am in so much pain that I have been laying here sobbing. I have put on my Lasting Touch Topical Analgesic Gel (a wonderful product that is similar to bengay or tiger balm but is about 10 times better) and that has made it so I can lay here without my clothes and blanket adding to my pain, but I am still in such agony that I am unable to walk. I have not been in this much pain in a while. I don’t like this at all and really needed to vent, so thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I may have to stop being stubborn and start using my wheelchair again. :-(
